


if you must leave (leave as though fire burns under your feet)

by lixaus



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Happy Ending, Insecurities, M/M, Panic Attacks, bad day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 19:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16918872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lixaus/pseuds/lixaus
Summary: felix is having a bad day, and it only seems to be getting worse... until it isn't.





	if you must leave (leave as though fire burns under your feet)

**Author's Note:**

> i listened to the song 'you' by keaton henson, and this was the product. also, it's 3am, and i haven't proofed it, so i hope it is alright!

it had been a day, and it had not been the best of days. in fact, this was probably one of felix’s worst days that he had in awhile. first, he didn’t get any sleep at all. his mind had kept him awake, his thoughts running wild as he tried to rest. his thoughts weren’t really significant, it was simply his anxiety telling him ‘what if’ to all of his worst fears. this happened all the time though, so it wasn’t anything new. after he wasn’t able to sleep, he had to go to work. because, obviously, he couldn’t just skip it. he had a responsibility to do.

felix was already on edge from being tired, and it had just gotten to the point of exhaustion. any loud noise made him jump, if anyone raised their voice he felt himself tearing up, and he couldn’t quite focus on things. so, with his luck, of course he had to accidentally drop a cup of coffee on some files. they weren’t important, thankfully, and could easily be reprinted, but that didn’t stop felix’s boss yelling at him.

the moment his boss scolded him, he felt the tears well up in his eyes. his boss wasn’t even trying to be mean, he was just annoyed, but for some reason felix’s heart felt so, so heavy. it seemed like he couldn’t do anything right that day, and it was breaking him. he spent the rest of the day at work shaking, and trying not to breakdown in front of his boss or his coworkers. felix didn’t want to seem weak, or incapable, even if he was for the day. he needed to be good enough, at least for the day. 

of course, he wasn’t. he got yelled at a couple more times, and it felt like the day would never end. around an hour before he got off of work, felix found himself hiding in the supply closet. his hand was clasped over his mouth, trying to hide the sound of his sobs from escaping. his chest felt tight, and he couldn’t physically see anything but blurs. felix was freezing, and his body was yelling at him over and over again to take care of himself, but he didn’t listen. no, he never did. why would he? he wasn’t good enough to listen to that. felix felt like he deserved to be upset.

felix felt like he wasn’t good enough.

and in his mind, he wasn’t.

even in his insecurities though, he still trudged on. he had to get through the day, at least. the first thing that finally made felix happy, was when he texted his boyfriend, changbin. he had asked if he just go to his house, because he needed cheering up, and just wanted to cuddle him. thankfully, changbin said yes.

changbin always seemed to help felix feel better. when he wrapped his arms around him, kissed his lips softly, ran his hands through his hair, anything, it made him feel safe, like nothing else could hurt him. changbin made felix smile, and could completely clear his mind of everything that had happened in the day. it was like changbin was his safe haven.

felix eventually got off of work, and put on his coat to leave. he had taken the bus to get to work, so, he’d take the bus to get somewhat near changbin’s place, and then walk the rest of the way. considering it had started to rain pretty hard, felix really wanted to catch the bus.

felix’s hopes were let down once again as his luck failed him. right as he saw the bus stop ahead of him, the bus was pulling out, even as felix broke out into a full sprint to try and catch it. he felt his legs grow wobbly when he reached the stop, the rain pounding onto the ground even harder as he watched the taillights fade into the distance. 

at this point, felix couldn’t even decipher which were tears streaming down his face, or what was rain. It seemed like nothing could get worse as he started to walk towards changbin’s house slowly. 

it took him about an hour to get there, walking in the pouring down rain. when he showed up at his boyfriend’s house, he looked like a soaked dog, his arms wrapped around his own body to try and provide some warmth. when changbin opened the door, he looked at felix with wide eyes, quickly ushering him into the house. he gave felix a warm blanket, and a set of clothes to change into.

maybe his day would get better, he was safe now.

changbin promised to cuddle felix when he got back, he had to take a shower. he had just gotten done working out, and felt nasty from the sweat and such. felix nodded slowly, finding himself in changbin’s bedroom. he had collapsed on the other’s bed, letting himself be engulfed in the warmth of the blankets, and the faint feeling of his boyfriend.

he heard the shower start, and knew changbin would take around 20 minutes or so to finish. so, felix just laid there, wrapped in blankets, and feeling warm. it was nice. felix felt good. it was so warm in the bed, and changbin was gonna come back and cuddle him. felix would be able to play with the other’s fingers, and rest his head on his chest, until he fell fast, fast asleep...

just as felix was about to pass out asleep, a loud buzz woke him up. he was thankful for that, though, because he wanted to be able to stay awake to see changbin. he wanted to tell him about his day, and changbin make it all better, like he always did.

felix blinked as he sat up, trying to stay awake. he glanced around the room, attempting to find something simple to keep his attention long enough for changbin to finish showering. his glance landed on the very thing that made him practically wake up in the first place: changbin’s phone. he could take some cute pictures of himself for changbin to see later!

reaching over, felix picked up the phone, and quickly did the passcode. the two had each other’s passcodes, they often used each other’s phone for directions, or just sneaking cute selfies for the other to find later on. felix didn’t think anything of it when he opened up the ‘snow’ app, and searched for a cute filter.

another buzz came from the phone in his hand, and felix saw a text notification pop up. even though felix didn’t really want to read changbin’s texts, he figured he could tell the person that he was in the shower and would be back soon. he had done it before, and changbin was fine with it, so he figured it’d be okay for him to do it again.

clicking on the notification, it brought felix to a text between someone, and changbin. as he was typing out the message, his eyes caught onto a new one, and his heart sank. he knew he shouldn’t read the messages, it’s an invasion of privacy, but…. why did the text message mention his name?

 **_hyunjinnie:_ ** _binnie :((_  

 **_hyunjinnie:_ ** _i wish felix didn’t have to be there…_

_**hyunjinnie** : i wanna kiss you again… and cuddle as the storm passes… _

_**hyunjinnie** : but it’s okay… text me when you see this binnie!! <333 _

felix couldn’t think anymore. his hands started to shake again, and his world started to come down once more.

changbin was cheating on him.

there wasn’t really any other explanation for it, even has felix had hoped there’d be. he knew deep down that there wasn’t.

the tears started to race down his face again, and a hand went to cover his mouth again, not wanting changbin to hear him crying from the shower. of course, felix had to talk to changbin, but he planned on leaving straight after. he didn’t wanna listen to whatever excuses that changbin could come up with.

it was as if he was right on time, because in come changbin, a towel wrapped around his head to dry his hair. felix didn’t even hear the shower stop, but he just assumed that it must’ve stopped when he couldn’t think straight. he didn’t know.

“felix? felix, what’s wrong, baby?” changbin’s voice was low, the boy immediately going to felix’s side, attempting to wrap his arm around him.

“it doesn’t matter what’s wrong, changbin…” felix could barely even speak, his sobs coming through even more.

“what? yes it does, baby, what’s the matter-”

“why didn’t you tell me that you didn’t love me?”

felix had cut changbin off, looking at him dead in the eye. even though his vision was blurred from the tears, he could still see the realization sink into changbin.

“i..felix… i do love you..” changbin’s voice was quiet, his arm slowly moving from felix.

“no, you don’t… what did i do?” felix looked away, standing up now. his legs were wobbly, but he needed to get ready to leave.

“you didn’t do anything, felix… i… i realized that… felix, i’m sorry for lying. i really am.. felix, i love you, but i’m not in love with you anymore..”

the words shot through felix like an arrow, and he didn’t have anything left to say. what was he even supposed to say to that, anyways? he just started to walk out, and changbin let him.

apart of him was grateful, that changbin had let him just walk out, but another part of him wanted to just run back to him, ask him for a second chance, and promise him that he’d be a better boyfriend. yet, he knew that wouldn’t be healthy for either of them. so, felix just left.

he found himself roaming the empty streets, as it was way too dark for his liking, and still pouring down rain. the only thing lighting up the streets were the occasional claps of lightning and thunder, which caused felix to jump every time it happened. felix cursed at himself under his breath for being so scared, but he just kept walking. where? he didn’t know.

except, apparently he did know, because he found himself at the front door of his best friend’s house, chan. bringing his knuckles up to the door, he knocked softly, and then went to try and wipe his tears from his face.

“felix? felix, what’re you doing out there? why are you soaking wet? oh my god, ‘lix, get inside!” chan quickly ushered the younger inside, and felix felt his entire body seem to give up.

chan was going to go get felix a towel, a blanket, and a change of clothes, but instead he ended up with a sobbing felix clinging onto his arms, begging him not to leave him.

and chan promised him he wouldn’t.

chan had to carry felix upstairs, and let him stand for a second as he picked out a pair of clothes for the other. after getting dried off by a very worried chan, felix went to go change, and came back. he was wearing chan’s oversized hoodie, and loose sweats, that also belonged to chan. 

when he walked back out, felix found chan sitting down on his own bed, twiddling his thumbs as he waited for felix. when chan saw him come out, he quickly jumped up, helping felix walk to the bed.

“felix… baby, tell me everything.”

chan only called felix ‘baby’ when he was serious, so felix knew that he really meant it.

and so, felix sobbed to chan. he told him of everything. he told him how he didn’t get any sleep, how his boss yelled at him, he told him of the bus, and then felix told him about how changbin was cheating on him.

chan just sat there and listened, letting the boy vent. felix kept crying, and told chan about how useless he felt, and how he felt like he wasn’t good enough. as much as it broke chan’s heart, to know that felix felt like this, he knew he had to let the younger boy vent.

eventually, he finished, and had his face buried in chan’s chest, with the older rubbing his back.

that’s when chan started on his own rant.

he told felix about how loved he was, about how he didn’t deserve any of that to happen to him. he told him that he would be safe now, with chan. chan promised him that he would one day feel better, and that everything would be better. he promised him that he would get his happy ending.

but most importantly…

chan helped felix feel good enough.

it may of been only temporary, but felix knew, deep down, that chan could help him in the future, and that this was going to be a very long journey.

but for now, he felt safe to be in chan’s arms, laying on him, his face in the nook of his neck. he felt safe with the warmth that chan provided.

he felt loved.

  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this!! if you wanna read my other works, i have oneshots on my ao3, but my twitter is @lixaus, where i post stray kids aus!! check me out there too, maybe !! <3


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